so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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