Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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