youre lurking in front of me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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