Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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