i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize