i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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