I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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