Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
