I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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