Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
