I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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