Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
