we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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