I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
