batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
