WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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