It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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