I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
