My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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