Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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