Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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