yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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