I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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