after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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