I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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