will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sarcasm needs its own font
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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