The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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