mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
