if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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