I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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