You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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