After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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