Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
