ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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