"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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