Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
