Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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