Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
