I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize