What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
