i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
