she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
time to smoke my breakfast
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
