Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
bring money and cleavage
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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