i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you mean i was at the winter classic?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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