I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
