i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
