You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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