Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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