i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wakey wakey hands off snakey
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
