So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
