I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
