I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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