remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it hurts more in the daytime
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
