we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
