You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize