I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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