I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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