At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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