Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we're so committed to being not committed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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