I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
