Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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