the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
