JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize