apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize