Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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