Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
