from now on my penis is your penis
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
