I want to walk on stilts...naked
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
