is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
