The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
