Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
