K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
