I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
