he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
